Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Prayers Answered, May Be My Love Wasn't Deep Enough To Reach To Her Heart

My Prayers Have Been Answered by Him(God). He has blessed me, with his kind and rude answer, He said me NO. Still you are not eligible to be loved by anyone. He told me : Deserve Yourself, Before You Desire.

I think he is true, I am not still elligible, maybe my love wasn't deep enough. But Noone in the world including God can deny that it wasn't true. I love her from bottom of my heart.

But still He is still punishing me for my last life's sins. At present, it seems he is even taking away her frienship from me. God I pray you to not to take it from me. The only gift you have given me, and God you should know that gifts are never given so that they can be taken back. Try to understand me. Try to understand my pain. God please give me her friendship, I can live with that support. I wish you don't want me to die right now.

I am awaiting for your answer...

Monday, June 4, 2007

Pain, Pain and Pain, Unbearable Pain - Sorry But I Can't Hold It Anymore. Hence, Sharing It With The World

Once again, sharing my pain with the world. Because, I can't hold it anymore in my heart. Its becoming unbearable. Its painful. Why it happens with me? Everytime I love someone, she goes away from me. This time once again, i fear that she will go with him. I used to be the most positive person, I ever knew. Then how come, I have become so negative? So negative, that I fear losing her. Love has given me nothing more than pain. It seems I am having a lifetime company of pain. It will be with me throughout my life.

It is such unbearable situation, that neither I can tell her, nor I can hide it inside my heart. How can I tell her that nobody in this world can love her the way I do. Noone will be able to understand you, the way I do. You are my best friend, But I want you to become My Lifetime Friend. My Partner Of Every Joy I have, I won't any sorrow come in your way. I will lie over every thorn that comes in your way.

God is not listening to me. Am I a Sinner? What is the Sin, I did in my past life? Did I hurt any lovers? Did I hurt anyone's feelings so hard, that God is taking revenge with me in this life? I request God to kill me, but set me free from this pain. Or if he has any memory eraser, erase her memories from my life.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

An Ocean And A Drop

How much one can love someone? Well, there are no measurements of love, but still tell me. Okey, I will tell you about myself. I love someone like an ocean, got the idea about how to measure love? :)) Some of you might not agree, but its true that I am hiding that ocean in my heart. Haha. Who asked why hiding? Because, It is really hidden from her. I have not expressed my love to her due to two reasons. First Reason, Only one and that is I fear rejection. Second Reason, Because I dont want to lose the Drop Of Love that I am getting from her. She is my best friend and I fear if she breaks this relation, the only door of that Drop of love also will be closed. I cannot even imagine, what my life will be like if I will lose her. And I am not ready to take that risk at the moment.

But sometimes, I think, is it justified? One side there is an ocean of love and the other side there is only a drop of love. The question arise in my mind, why this happens with me? This is second time happening to me. Why can't I find equally balanced love.

At this point, I would also like to mention that, as best her friend, she will give me all the points. But why it fails, when it comes to love? Why am I not being loved by her? Why can't I stand a single chance to be loved by Someone. Is there anything wrong with me? Anything wrong with me as human being. No, as human being I get full marks, then? I Don't know, I am still looking for the right answer. But, probably, when I will get answer of this question, It will be too late.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Why Me?

This is my first blog. And Instead of writing something pleasant, I am writing something unpleasant. Something about pain, something about problems. I dont know why, but I have many friends around every corner of the world. The important point, I would like to mention here is how they bacame my friends? They did not become my friends because I was cool or they were impressed with me. But they became my friends because I listend to them. I stood by them to hear their problems. Every new day, I have one of the friends knocking on my messenger to share his/her problem.

I want to know, Why Me? Why they all have chosen me? When I ask this question to myself, I feel that there are certain reasons why they become very close friend of mine in very short time and opened their heart, their problems, their world in front of me. First, I am just like an open book. I have never ever anything to hide from the world. What I feel, I express, except some exceptional cases :). Secondly, I am a good listener and its my nature to help my friends in whatever way I can. I cannot see my friends in pain. I feel that pain as if it is my pain.

I want to ask my friends, why did you choose me? What is the reason that you think you can share your world with me?

And at this point, I like to thank you all for being my friends and sharing your joys and sorrows with me. I love you all.